The Advice Your Mama Never Gave You

So...I have a younger sister. In a lot of ways, we're exactly the same, and in a large number of other ways, we couldn't be more different. She's basically the best...so in the least dicky tone possible, I will describe her as a well-dressed, liberal, semi-intellectual, recent college-grad douchebag who reads BBC rather than CNN because she just doesn't trust American media to cover America accurately.

She's brilliant and hilarious (both traits we share, obviously), and she's also the single least competitive person I've ever met. This is precisely where our personalities separate. While I will break someone's leg in 7th grade PE soccer in order to ensure a victory (yeah...that happened...my sincerest apologies go out to that girl, who recently friended me on facebook and brought back that tremendously embarrassing memory), my sister will yog around after the ball only because she has to and then be unsure of who won the game when she's finally allowed to go inside. Also, totally unrelated, my sister's ideal summer vacation would be to an air-conditioned bunker with one window (so she could see the sun but keep it from turning her porcelain doll skin bright red), where as mine would be to a cancer-causing beach somewhere in the Caribbean, where I'd preferably be allowed to sleep outside, eat outside, play outside in the sun....I think you get the idea.

Aaaaanyway, I spent my last semester of college and the summer that followed sooort of coming up with job prospects, but mostly looking on Craigslist for the most absurd things around (i.e. American Girl Store doll hairstylist or Reality Show Contestant: Make-Over Your life). I figured I would move home for a while regardless, so what I did with my time was of no consequence. My generally nonchalant, comedian counterpart on the other hand re-signed her lease in Pittsburgh, and knowing that our huffy, puffy, generally disgruntled/non-nonchalant (...so chalant?) father wouldn't be too pleased about financing her existence, she became panic-stricken about finding employment.

I've asked her to tell me/you all about that process...so...read on. Thanks Relaxed/Better-Dressed Other Half. You're the best.

***

I graduated from college in April of this year. The months leading up to this ceremony were particularly stressful, due to the fact that the lease I had impulsively signed for the next year and the lack of job prospects I had were staring me in the face...searing holes into my soul. As the summer wore on, I became more and more anxious because I couldn't even get hired at Chico's...and why would ANY respectable organization hire somebody who couldn't even sweet talk old(er) women into buying expensive bedazzled summer blazers?!

Then I had an epiphany. Why do I need to stress? I'm not more likely to get hired just because I am basically giving myself an ulcer worrying about it. At this point I started to refer to myself as a Lady of Leisure and went out to lunch a lot. Just as I was hitting my stride, I ended up getting hired for a job that I was not only perfectly qualified for, but that had good pay and great benefits.

This whole situation goes to show that I am incredibly lucky and things keep managing to work out for me despite my rather passive approach toward achieving success. My advice to the rest of you sorry fuckers who have to graduate during a recession? I have none because I am the exception, not the rule. I am going to take my hour-long lunch now and maybe leave early.......just because I can. You can employ the Lady, but the Leisure shall remain.

-Your Resident Lady of Leisure

P.S. It is NEVER a Chico's kind of day