(Bus) Love is All You Need

First, an order of business.

My older sister, the starter of this dying blog, has officially made me co-blogger. From now on I will be referring to her as Mayor McShambles because she has proudly served on the school board of Shambles County for years and has recently been elected Mayor of Shambles City. If she’s nice and buys me things, I may casually call her CuddleBug. I do want to explain, however, that my sister is not really that irresponsible. She generally has her shit together. On the other hand, she has moments that make me question how she, not only has a college degree, but can wipe her own ass. Por ejemplo, I came home for a friend’s wedding over the summer while The Mayor still lived with our parents. Not two seconds after I walk in the door, she says “Lady, I have something to show you….I found it yesterday.” She then lead me down to the basement where the laundry machines are, stopped, pointed to the ground and scrunched up her face while making a low “ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” noise. What was she pointing to? A dead mouse. As stated above, she had found this dead mouse the day before. 24 hours went by before she told someone. The first person she chose to tell 1) does not live there and 2) immediately screamed and ran out of the room while yelling “DAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDD!!!!!!!!”

So, Mayor McShambles it is. Please be advised.

Moving on. I wanted to share with all of you one of my favorite parts of living in Pittsburgh: the public transit system. Now, I love Pittsburgh. I came here 4 years ago in a hoodie and some dad tennies and now I am a Steelers fan in skinny jeans. It has transformed me. The Port Authority of Allegheny County is another important part of this love affair. Not so much because it is efficient, clean, on time, etc. I would compare this affection to that one might have for a 3-legged dog or the Redskins. Kind of pathetic, but you love it anyway.

We all have our stories. Not long ago my friend sat in fresh piss as she took a seat immediately after a man had gotten off. The other day, another friend was offered the window seat by some guy. As she sat down she noticed a foul odor. Realizing she was trapped, there was little she could do other than look around uncomfortably. Suddenly she met the gaze of her seat partner, who promptly said “Smells like shit, don’t it?” She nodded, to which he replied “Don’t worry; I’m getting off in a couple stops.” As she tried to process the fact that a man had SHIT HIS PANTS right next to her, he followed up with: “You have pretty eyes. Are you in high school?”

My own experience happened last week. I got on the bus after working for 10 hours, so I was a little grumpy and tired. A couple stops down the road, a crazy guy hopped on and sat in the front. He spent most of my time on the bus loudly saying mildly rude things to people. I was pretty excited to be getting off the bus after about 15 minutes of that and pulled the cord for my stop. I walked to the front to wait to get off when, suddenly, crazy guy said “Have a good night!” I thanked him and wished him the same. He then stuck his hand out and asked my name. Recognizing that he had not been so polite to other passengers, I obliged and shook his hand. This is the point at which, in front of a busload of at least 30 people, he hugged me. He. Hugged. Me. Now, I’m not an affectionate person. I don’t like hugs from people I know. So a hug from a stranger? A crazy stranger, at that? Well, I didn’t know how to react to this surprise embrace.

If I had to compare it to something, it'd be this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNbao12XqZI

I can't help but wonder...should I have asked him for his digits?

After all, when life gives to you lemons (homeless men), make lemonade (date them).

Unaffectionately yours,
Lady of Leisure