A Short Statement From the Mayor, Regarding Camp Potomac Shambles

I'd like to take this opportunity to explain my behavior during that fateful week at Camp Potomac Woods. First though, you should know that yesterday's post caused me to pee my own pants with laughter for two reasons. The first is that I was previously unaware that The Lady peed the floor of a makeshift house, and the second is that my recollection of the Camp Potomac Woods experience is SOOO different from the recollection she would expect me to have, given my "this is the best place evvverrrrr!" behavior at the time. We had a conversation about those two things yesterday as soon as the entry was posted, and I think a transcript of that chat will explain it all.

Lady: I put up a new post

Mayor: that shit is funny

i just read it

Lady: yeah that happened

9:15 AM

Mayor: i don't think i knew that you peed the floori do know that horse camp sucked ass though

it was not fun

Lady: oh yeah?! I thought you loved it!

Mayor: i got thrown off and got my hand stepped on

Lady: oh yeah!

Mayor: that fucker broke my finger

Lady: i do remember that

Mayor: and i told them i didn't want to do the jumps anymore

9:16 AM and they told me i had to

so i climbed back on and cried the entire time that it rode around the ring jumping over stuff

pretty sure i did swim camp the year before actually

Lady: ok def didn't know that

9:17 AM so we all had a bad time?

Mayor: hahaha yeah i think so

Lady: we had to wear these swim cpas that smelled like fish, it was gross

Mayor: i mean, i wasn't traumatized or anything...because after we left the horses i got to play and eat lots of mashed potatoes and bug juice (aka kool aid)

yeah the caps were gross...different colors for different levels of ability...all staaaaaanky

Lady: i think I had fun some of the time

9:18 AM yeahhhh

I think I was in an advanced level of ability

having been on swim team
and like, actually good at swimming at that point Mayor: you would've had a red cap then, i believeLady: yeah!

I did have a red cap!

Mayor: hahaha

it's funny how different my experience was though

the year i did swim camp, mom and dad both drove me there and they were acting all weird

9:20 AM and i was pumped about camp...sitting in the middle seat of the van reading the brochure about what promised to be the best week of my life

(which probably took the entire 1.5 hour ride or whatever because i remain, to this day, the slowest em effing reader ever)

anyway there was a piece about "home-missing"

9:21 AM and i asked what that was, because the concept of missing home was apparently something I couldn't grasp

and mom explained that sometimes you miss your bed and your parents and the rest of your family and home-cooked meals (read: hamburger helper), and that that can make a kid sad

and i said, allegedly, "I don't get it. Why would I miss you?"

9:22 AM and i believe mom cried

9:24 AM Lady: hahahahahaha OUCH

9:25 AM It's so funny, they were always sad to see you go places but when it was time for me to go places they had already experienced the leaving-a-child-somewhere-overnight thing so they never acted weird

Mayor: hahaha

yeah b/c [our older brother] never did anything, so i was the test child

Lady: haha true!

Mayor: and they would be like "oh man, this is such a big deal!"

and i'd be like "guys, calm down, i'll see you later"

Lady: yeah I never got that haha
I mean, we were both pretty independent kids though, I wasn't really attached either
Mayor: i think basically after I traumatized them like that, they'd act cool b/c they thought that's what they were supposed to do

b/c the kids make the rules!

9:27 AM Lady: that's how you gotta parent!

like mom said I always ran away from her as soon as I got ot preschool

Mayor: hahahaha

Lady: like the "BYE SEE YOU LATER MOM NO I DON'T WANT A HUG BYE"

Mayor: i'm sure that made her feel rull good

9:28 AM Lady: well, i was 2 or 4 so I don't feel to guilty

3 or 4

Mayor: hahaha

2 or 4 was funnier

Lady: well fuck

9:29 AM

Mayor: i was always like "thank you very much for bringing me here, as i'm not yet old enough to drive. i appreciate that you want to hang out with me, but i'm previously committed to eating paste and building things with blocks, so i'll just catch up with you this afternoon, ok?"
Lady: hahahaha exactly!Mayor: and mom would be like "ok fiiiiiine."

Lady: I mean it's probably hard as a parent when your kid is independent but better for the kid really
Mayor: yeah and ultimately better for you...but probably not the easiest to accept at first Lady: I can't believe you didn't know the pee story
that's a classic moment9:30 AM Mayor: yeah i don't know how i missed that oneLady: you gotta remember the tears though

because that involved you haha

Mayor: haha i do

they pulled me out of some sort of awesome play time

9:31 AM and, as previously stated, i didn't get the home-missing thing

Lady: I'm not sure it was missing home so much as it was having a miserable time and not wanting to be there

Mayor: so i was like "em, get it together, this is awesoooooooooooooome! Mom and dad aren't here!!! Wheeeeeeeeee!"

yeah...i distinctly remember being told that you were homesick and needed family

and i was like...uh...guys...i'm 8

9:32 AM Lady: haha i think I was just like I WANT TO SEE MY SISTER

because everyone in my camp was older than me and they weren't that nice

esp my bunkmates, who were the meanest

9:33 AM I think I made friends with other people

but those bitches

Mayor: yeah that blows...i think i was the youngest too
because it was like you either had to be a certain age or have finished a certain grade

so i went to horse camp with other kids who were like 9, 10, and 11

and i was 8

and tiiiiny

9:34 AM Lady: yeah i think you had to have just finished first grade

Mayor: like we had to help each other up on to the horses and i was totally worthless because everyone had 40 lbs on me

Lady: hahahahaha

you're like " I don't have much to work with here!"

Mayor: yeah i was like...how about i stand here and pet this guy while you go get a stool or soemthing?
Lady: hahahahaha helpful9:35 AM so how do you feel about wTCHING THE STEELERS GAME SUNDSY

sorry caps lock


And then the conversation went in another direction, as you can see. But I swear, I'm not the monster I was made out to be. And really, compared to the behavior of some other mayors, like the Mayor of Detroit, the Mayor of Portland, the Mayor of Los Angeles, and my personal favorite, the Mayor of East Cleveland, I'd say this is small potatoes.